throw down your best
It looks like things are going to get crazier than they already are before Saturday’s start of Le Tour. I just saw the headline on cyclingnews.com and eurosport.com that the report is being released and that there are big names listed. I’m wondering if The Mop will allow pick entry changes if things get crazy. All of this makes me wonder what the riders are thinking as they wait to see if their name is on the list and what accusations are thrown their way. My guess is there is a fair amount of cursing going on, whether it be out loud or internal. I wonder what der Kaiser let’s slip under his breath or what Ivan the Terrible thinks.
This all leads me to think about a favorite topic of mine: the expertise of cursing. I began a passive schooling in cursing probably before I was 5 years old. In the summers I would spend a fair amount of time hanging out at my grandparent’s home. I would hand yard tools to my grandpa and dig holes that were probably in the wrong place. Grandpa never directed his cursing at me, even if I did dig up a flower or two that he had just planted. However, the cursing was directed at various inanimate objects along the way. He was never apologetic about it and I had a tacit understanding that I shouldn’t be using those words myself. It was just normal behavior for adults to curse while doing yard/house work.
This leads me to today’s topic: the replacement expletive. You all know what I’m talking about, especially if you grew up in Utah and the best replacement for the F-bomb was fetch. By the way, I absolutely hate that! To continue, one of J-vanator’s favorite TV shows is SpongeBob Squarepants. Thanks to SpongeBob and his friends, J-vanator has a growing multitude of cursing replacements. The other day he asked if he could get some fireworks. He was told not tonight. “Tartar Sauce,” he exclaimed seriously. The best part of it is that is his true exclamation. He is truly worked up and lets it fly. To go along with Tartar Sauce, you have the option of Barnacles or Fish Paste. Personally, I’ve always liked Fork, Son of a Bishop and Cheese and Rice. Just thinking of using those replacement expletives makes me laugh.
I’ve got some old Yakima fork mount skewers that are corroded shut from too much winter salt spray from the freeway. I will assemble a highly qualified panel of judges to determine who provides the best expletive replacement and the corroded Yakima skewers are yours. Again, this is if I can locate them in abyss that is the bin of old bike stuff. Remember, we’re keeping this blog family friendly. We can figure out which expletive you’re replacing. Get your entries in now.
Disclaimer: any and all prizes from dhblog are to be used at your own risk of immediate or probable failure. Tires will be heavily worn, skewers corroded or threads stripped, cleats ground down, etc. Dhblog suggests it would be best to simply bask in the glory of your victory and hang on to your prize as a badge of honor.